Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
