So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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