It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
