Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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