Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
