Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize