Where is the hickey?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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