I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
where are my eyebrows?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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