And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
