god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
