We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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