The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
