i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
