Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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