just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
