I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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