Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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