ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cannot find my penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
