Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize