I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
