Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
