there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
