im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
