oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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