Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
