Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
