Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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