I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
