they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
