My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
