hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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