Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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