census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
