Do vagina's smell?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
