just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My cat gives me a boner
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize