what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
