I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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