If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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