We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize