she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
