Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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