All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
