this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
