i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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