she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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