Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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