I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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