I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
