Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
