Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
