You smell like stripper and shame
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
