he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dick has a subreddit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
