I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
