I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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