My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
