i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize