Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
