You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
are you so shy because you have an std?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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