Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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