you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize