I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
