alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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