u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
