she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
