He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
