Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
