I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
