y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
