you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
