I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize