Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
