I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
