Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
