It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
