2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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