im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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