Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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