nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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