Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
