pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
