Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
