no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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