she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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