The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize