God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
