My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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