I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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