I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
