I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
