Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
