I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
