Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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