My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize