You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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