I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
