i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
