D3 body, D1 cock
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
