Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
