So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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