Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize